i was talking to a friend recently and we were comparing college and law school. i agreed with him when he said that college was more fun (we were both kind to use pahambing instead of lantay so as to give law school a chance ot be described as "fun") but that we both made better friends in law school. the relationships that i formed during my four year stay in the college of law are beautiful, precious and deep and for these relationships, i am grateful.

its amazing how a random choice of folder would ultimately determine whom one will spend the next four years with. matt and cathe have the funniest block selection story. :) as the story goes, matt and cathe were both in line, hoping to get into the same block after striking a good conversation while waiting. matt goes in first and picks block C. she is careful to tell cathe who is next to enter the room to pick the "shiny" folder so that they would end up in the same block. when cathe's turn comes, she looks at the folders and thinks to herself "eh lahat naman shiny!" destiny lang talaga. :)

last night was the first time, in a long time, that my blockmates and i were able to kick back, relax and just have a good time. kulang ang dalawang mic ng magic sing. he he he. Ruby and Lynn really gave bon jovi a run for their money. Tim doing his best singing kahit nakaharang si Lynn sa tv. Aga lang umalis sina Jan at Mike pero revelation si Jan!!! Singing "Numb" kesehodang may lyrics na lumabas o wala. Marco and Juancho will definitely get 96 in their rem exam kasi yun ang score nila sa laklak. Juancho's standard solo: Eye of the Tiger. Viola and Wilmer - pang pinoy movie and duet may kasama pang pa-peek-peek from the cabinet. Jop and Fifi - may taste talaga ang mga ka-block ko kasi singers din ang mga s.o.!!! agawan kami ni Nancy sa "male" singing parts kasi di namin pareho abot ang female. Sheila, corny ka kasama sa videoke kasi magaling kang kumanta. hehehe. si ian na tatahitahimik, aba lumalaban din ng kanta. and of course, LP Cams and I singing Don'tcha. For the record, si LP lang ang sumayaw. :) Si Joy ang galing, singing for two people kasi shy si Ricky.

obscure song of the night: stitches and burns (kami ni Fifi: wtf? anong kanta ni fra lippo lippi yan?!)

duet of the night: Lynn and Ruby's Always (with matching tinginan sa chorus)

choral piece of the night: Bohemian Rhapsody (everyone in falsetto: "let him go!") tied with Bright Eyes... este... Total Eclipse of the Heart (buking na for most people "bright eyes" lang ang part na alam kantahin.)

manyak of the night: Tere (Viola: tere, bakit yan ang mga songs mo? "No Touch" and "Lets Get it On"? Jhoe: and for that, kailangan mong kumanta ng "Lead me Lord")

dance move of the night: Lynn's tummy scratch a.k.a. air guitar

lasing move of the night: Jop doing *close, open* but his words didn't match his actions. baliktad.

***

Another friend once told me that a common traumatic or stressful experience creates a bond among those who experience it. Precisely the reason why those who go through war together form a lifelong bond, supposedly the concept behind an initiation process as well. i agree that law school's trauma and stress created the bond. but i'd like to believe that its experiences like last night, and the many more that will come after, which will strengthen and enrich the same. sa uulitin...

dapat mas marami ang mic. ;)

this morning I tried to jog again after three months of embracing a fully sedentary lifestyle (my sole exercise consisting of sucking in my abs whenever i would walk up a flight of stairs.) After a short jog from Vargas to Vinzons, I found the world brighter and more colorful... literally. the kind of bright and colorful that one experiences right before she is about to pass out due to hypoglycemia. wapak. 'yan, kasi, hindi nagbreakfast tapos babanat ng jogging. Thankfully, he ran back to the car to get candy, and later, a gatorade. :) will jog again this week para may follow up :) i can do thisss!!! :) woohoo!

i love washing my car. it seems stupid to do it myself considering that there is a nearby carwash that charges less than a hundred bucks for it but hey, i'm stupid and i've long established that. a BA and a JD later, i actually find it easier to accept and admit that i'm stupid.

anyway. back to washing my car. tihs time last year, i found carwashing to be a great way to handle my breakup blues. it was catharctic and it made me too tired to think of anything else after. pretty soon, i would also wax my car. ah yes, a good hour and a half consumed. :) finishing the bar is like breaking up. you feel the urge to drink right after, you visit the old haunts where you used to go "together" (you and your codal and beda reviewer he he he), you dream about it still and think of the things you should have or could have done, you find that you suddenly have a lot of time on your hands because its "over" ... yes, very much like a breakup. oh, but this is the kind of relationship you wouldn't want to get back on. a jealous, possessive and time-consuming lover it was. ;) but that relationship is over (please God let it be over!)  time to fix existing ones (ima treat my car better na promise!) or better yet...

time to get into new dysfunctional ones. :)

the filthy state of my car totally complements the fact that i'm from Cainta. while i am so thankful that the floods did not reach the place i live in, my car certainly looks the part. kaka walang gana to wash it the past days kasi nga umuulan. he he he. to add "personality", my nine year old brother wrote his name in beautiful lasallian cursive on the right side of the hood. wowee. wash and wax na ang gagawin ko mamaya. :)

***

i'm such a bad pasahero in my own car. i "hit thebrakes" when i "want the car to slow down/stop" while someone else is driving. i'm not sure if he notices. i have the bad habit of pointing out potholes, pedestrians and whatnots just incase the person driving doesn't see them. and i feel physical pain when my car hits a pothole or grazes a bad hump. sigh. like i told him last night, "i should be sedated for this." he he he. then again, maybe i just need to trust whomever is driving more. We control freaks make awful pasaheros. :P

***

saan ok magpa-detail ng kotse? help.

if ever you need to renew your driver's license, i super highly recommend the robinson's galleria branch. they work fast, they're nice and courteous and THEY TAKE GREAT PICTURES. i know, i know, its mababaw and so vain but its so embarrassing to have people do a double take when they check my license (o, hindi pag hinuli ha. for non-apprehensive contact naman - yak defensive.) and their faces read: "wtf? ikaw ba to?!" so there. so pag meron pa ring ganong expression when they check my license now... he he he.

basta. i heart galleria LTO branch. :)

sa 2012 magpapakulot ako para sa license picture ko. he he he. who says government issued ID's can't be beautiful? :) passport, you're next! bwahahaha!

i attended a baptismal seminar last saturday for my future inaanak Arwen Merrique (yessss that's her name. back off with the Christian names now. when her dad was talking about said Christian names her reaction was: pbbbbffffffttttttt... with matching laway sputters. he he he. safe to say, ayaw niya.)

Initially i didn't want to go because it meant time off from studying but when my cousin, Eric's mommy, told me na less than an hour, I agreed. After all, I've been ninang 6 times before (Crio, Rojan, Rianne, JM, Kimi and Gavin) and I've never received formal instruction on the matter. It was time. :) We braved the rain and got there around 15 minutes past 2 and the dude was starting na. The instructor's first name is Ernesto but I forgot his last name na. He's this old guy in his sixties and he looks people in the eye when he talks to them. He has no concept of personal space, to the discomfort of the parents seated at the front row. Very passionate, very emphatic and very biased in favor of UP (graduate daw siya ng Educ.) He he he. There were two other couples apart from my cousin and her husband who were subjected to Ernesto's rather interactive pre-baptismal seminar. As for me, I sat quietly at the back and was amused at how the couples were grilled about basic grade 1 or 2 Christian Living Education concepts. I tried to answer his questions silently and was thrilled to find out that I still knew the basics. :)

Anyhow. I think it was a blessing to have attended. God sent some timely reminders my way because of little Arwen Merrique. The thing that struck me most was how Ernesto explained what it meant to be a Christian. He said that to be a Christian is to love the way Christ loved. And, that it meant being able to forgive others. He proceeded to explain how being a parent entailed a lot of forgiving. I never viewed parenthood that way, honestly. I always knew parenting would require a lot of loving and now that I reflect on it, forgiving is but another side to that loving. Indeed, to love is to be able to forgive. Ernesto gave suggestions on how forgiving can be made easier, given that it is not natural for man to forgive. He had a mnemonic for it: PPPP (feeling ko alam niyang i operate on this plane these days.) Prayer, People, Praise and Plan.

We pray to Christ, the author of forgiveness to help us forgive. We accept that people are people and that they will make mistakes along the way. I liked how he said that the wives must forget the past kapalpakan of their husbands and just wait for their next kapalpakan! :) We praise the people we love. Every little thing that they do well, we praise. And this I can say my parents really did for me and my siblings. We were praised, loved and assured every step of the way. By praising, we keep in mind the many good things they have done and so it becomes easier to forgive. Finally, and this one I think applies to me the most (even if I'm no parent)... we accept that what has happened is part of God's plan for us. There is meaning in all that has taken place and while at the moment it is difficult to forgive, there is a reason for the hurt or pain we suffer. It does make it easier.

To love is to forgive. A beautiful and powerful concept that God has reminded me about this weekend. Dare I say, well worth taking 2 hours off studying (plus twenty minutes to blog. he he he.) Amen.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I have learned and unlearned and relearned this, over and over again, the hard way. We had the best of intentions for each other but the flames that we sparked could not be kept at bay. We created our own hellish demise.

Bless my heart not for its poor or short memory, but for its failure to recognize patterns. Bless my heart not for its failure to contain itself but for its ease in being ignited. Bless my heart wherever it is that he has taken it, and left it. Come home, Heart. Come home.

Indeed, it was supposed to be something else and yet it blossomed into something more. He was supposed to be my great-unrequited love, and that he now is again. I wonder why he has taken it back. If it was not love that I gave and offered, then I do not know how to love.

Perhaps it is because I am really a thief. One of questionable moral fibre. I have crept into night and stolen Neruda’s words and refuse to let them go – repeating them over and over again – claiming them to be my own.

Loving is so short, forgetting is so long.

September 21, 2008; February 20, 2009; June 27, 2009

***


 

if you only knew.
how much i love you.
how much i wanted to make this work.
how much i love you.
that i didn't care what anyone else said.
that i just wanted to be with you and make you happy.
i now find myself in the exact same place as i was last september.
reeling.
confused.
inadequate.
empty.
wondering what i did wrong.
why i'm not worth it.
why i'm not worth it.
why i'm not worth it.
why i'm never worth the time of day.
why i'm perfect in theory.

just in theory.

you'll never find anyone who'll love you more than i do.
not even if you tried.

Valediction sa Hillcrest

by: Rolando Tinio

Pagkacollect ng Railway Express sa aking things
(Derecho na iyon sa barko while I take the plane),
Inakyat kong muli ang N-311 at dahil dead of winter,
Nakatopcoat at galoshes akong
Nagright turn sa N wing ng mahabang dilim
(Tunnel yatang aabot hanggang Tondo.
Kinapa ko ang switch sa hall.
Sa isang pitik, nagshrink ang imaginary tunnel,
Nagparang ataol.

Or catacomb,
Strangely absolute ang impression
Ng hilera ng mga pintong nagpuprusisyon:
Individual identification, parang mummy causes,
De-nameplate, de-numero, de-hometown address.
Antiseptic ang atmosphere, streamlined yet/
E filing cabinet.

Filing, hindi naman deaths, ha.
Remembrances, oo. Yung medyo malapot
Dahil, alam mo na I’m quitting the place
After two and a half years.
After two and a half years,
Di man nagkatiyempong mag-ugat, ika nga,
Siyempre’y naging attached, parang morning glory’ng
Mahirap mapaknit sa alambreng trellis.

At pagkabukas ko sa kuwarto
Hubo’t hubad na ang mattresses,
Wala nang kutson sa easy chair.
Mga drawer ng bureau’y nakanganga,
Sabay-sabay nag-ooration,
Nagkahiyaan, nabara.

Of course, tuloy ang radiator sa paggaralgal:
Nasa New York na si Bob and the two Allans,
Yung mga quarterbacks across the hall
Pihadong panay sa Des Moines.
Don and Constance aren’t coming back at all.
Gusto ko mang magpaalam—
to whom?
The drapes? the washbowl? sa double-decker
Na pinaikot-ikot namin ni Kandaswamy
To create space, hopeless, talagang impossible.
Of course, tuloy ang radiator sa paglagutok.
And the above silence,
nakakaiyak kung sumagot.)

Bueno, let’s get it over with.
It’s a long walk to the depot.
Tama na ang sophistication- sophistication.

Sa steep incline, pababa sa highway
Where all things level, sabi nga,
There’s a flurry, ang gentle- gentle.
Pagwhoosh-whoosh ng paa ko,
The snow melts right under:

Nagtutubig, parang asukal,
Humuhulas,
Nagsesentimental.

where the grass is green and the... ohhh.. he he wrong song. burnout paradise is really getting to me.

i caught angels and demons last night and well... there were but two sets of angelic moments: resting my head to doze off during car chases and fight scenes and of course every scene with ewan mcgregor in that sinfully hot priest outfit. sigh. black is so much more fash-yon on priests. white makes them look wider. he he he. i didn't read the book (come to think of it, kahit yung da vinci code i didn't read) and so expectations were low. as such, disappointment was likewise low. :) just a few other thoughts:

1. i wonder if branding will now give tattoos a run for their money. talk about indelible, permanent and painful. yeouch.
2. when the camerlengo was about to be cornered he doused himself with some liquid and started praying. immediately i thought... wow, he's trying to bless himself with holy water right before they kill him. eeeek hindi pala.
3. how convenient that the camerlengo ALSO knows how to fly a chopper! oh! and may parachute! as my lola likes to remark - thanks gods!
4. the new camerlengo reminded me of a professor in law school when the former said "when you write of us, and you will, be gentle."
5. all of a sudden i want to dig up my copy of Vatican II. i know its somewhere in my room... he he he.

yes. that is all that i will say about that film.

oh, one last thing. i soooo want to go back to the Vatican and settle my unfinished business with the Sistine chapel. We were so fortunate to have been there at the Vatican on a holiday - Nov 1st - and so the Sistine chapel was closed. Boo. :( Anyway. hopefully sometime this october i will have my closure. ;) and more italian shoes too.

*** 

i gave baby rameses a bath today. he didn't like it. he kept whimpering and crying and running away. why!? don't doggies like baths? alam ko cats don't like (or aren't supposed) to take baths. i learned that the hard way kasi pinaliguan ko yung kuting namin dati. and then my yaya saw me and told me never to do it again. he he he. sowee kitty. :P

***

ok, back to transpo and the SRC. :D

is THAT way. its not with me, thats for sure.

with me its like trying to hit a bullet with a smaller bullet while blindfolded and riding a horse. (thank you, Scotty.)

oh, and sabi nga ni Lady Gaga - "russian roulette is not the same without a gun and baby when its love, if its not rough it isn't fun."

reality bites, sure. but i'm the type that bites back. rawr. :) it wouldn't be me if i didn't.